Hi.

I've got a new blog. Nah, it's not privatized but if you want to know ... inbox me on facebook , tweet me or email me here ; thong.stephanie@gmail.com thanks!

Grandmama.

The colour pretty much reflected upon how I was feeling today.

Everyone felt alright,it's been 4 months since grandmama left us, but i felt ... down.Today, we went back to grandmama's grave for prayers. And i didnt want to be there because it reminded me of how hard I had to let her go. Yes , it was time for her to leave us, it's God's will, she's old, but i just wished she'd leave after I actually succeeded in something. I never really made her proud in anything, apart from straight A's in UPSR a gazillion years ago but she'd always shower me with praises for the slightest and smallest things. Grandmama was the only person who'd made me feel so loved in the family, and she knew I felt leftout because of my skin colour yet she showed the others that I was her favourite grandchild.

I know i could had posted up this biography months ago, but as what mommy told me, if i kept holding on to the memories, and if I was constantly emotional about it, grandmama won't be happy in heaven. I had to let go, and stop thinking about her.

Going back into grandma's room brought back so much memories ; how i held her hands for the very last time and told her i officially got into college ( because, before that I was really worried, i couldnt obtain 5credits to enter foundation year ) , that time she couldn't talk much and so she gave me a thumbs up sign . I started tearing and regretting on why i didnt make her proud with my SPM results ; before i left ( the very last time I saw her alive ) I kept bugging her to visit me and that I'll bring her swimming and make her wear a bikini. I told her i'll get my driving license, and drive her out to spend time together. I went on talking and talking because I just knew come one day, i'll never see her smile at my sillyness anymore. Despite being feeble, despite being weak and sickly, despite it being nap time, she stayed up listening to me go on and on about where I wanted to bring her and everything else. And then i had to go , i prayed a short prayer before I left , this time i left with a very very very very very heavy heart. It was really different this time, compared to the million times i visited her and left , in Seremban.

Weeks later, she went home with Jesus. I was very reluctant to accept the fact that God has taken her away before I've done anything to make her happy and proud. I felt terribly useless. We went back to Seremban, and i cried like crazy upon seeing her lifeless body. For the first time in my life, i held a dead person's hand and cried til there was no tomorrow. But if it wasn't for her, i wouldn't had told my parents how much I actually appreciate them the night grandmama passed away. ' Because, i didn't want to end up in regrets. After 2 months, i got over my exboyfriend, I mellowed down, i started respecting my parents and cut down on being a bitch at home. I would love to think it's grandmama who changed my life, thank you.

See you in heaven, grandmama. Or see you in my dreams, if you're free to visit me?

Put up your peace sign, put your index down ;

MUFY.

Wrong time to mess with me boy. You think im weak? After so much I've been through, think twice, jerks :)

First week of college was really really good. I guess the holidays had pretty much screwed me u p and i'm not allowed to bum around during my next semester break. So it's either a holiday retreat, or start working. Back to college, this time round im dropping Economics, replaced with Computer Science ( as stated before if you actually follow my blog ) Im retaking fundamental mathematics, going to continue with Globalization Part B and English Part B. I'm taking semester 3 as well, and it's going to be a pretty much relaxing one with only 2 subjects to work on. After semester 3, i'll be going to Canada for 2 months and then come back to Malaysia for my first year in university. You guys might think, steph is a nutcase why'd she choose to study locally when she has a chance to study in Toronto. But i've my reasons, and no it's nothing about love. Mm, to those who think i'm a bum who doesn't give two dangs about my future, in your face, i've planned it well. Don't use Canada against me, just because i'm unsure if I want to go or not, suckers :D

;Snippets of college

Life is but a broken melody- there's always something left unsaid, left undone until you finish the great race.

I wont love you if i dont know you but it's worth it once you get me to love you ♥